Less then 50 days and...

I am in total denial for the moment. 

I knew since the beginning that i would experience several kind of doubts between the day i decided this and the moment i would actually leave. I knew, but...i expected this to come later, much later.

Is this a good idea? Should i really do this? Maybe i should reconsider. A couple of weeks ago i already felt hesitation. I was a bit surprised, for one that it came so soon. But also because i realised all those questions made (and still make) no sense, yet i still had them looped in my head during the biggest part of the day.

I kept it mostly to myself, hiding this from everyone, because i was a bit afraid that they would add up their (bad) advice to my already growing hesitation.

Today however, i don't feel hesitation at all anymore, because i am in a state of denial. I talk about the trip with family, friends and colleagues but at the same time i realise i don't feel this like it is really happening to me. It almost feels like a memory of a tv-show or a book i read last month.

The denial is good in a way. It avoids me to worry about it and to constantly think about this, but on the other hand, it totally removed the pressure i need to prepare!

I always keep saying oh i still have time, its still long but it is really close actually.

According to the way things go, the next stage would be panic! woohoo, that is going to be interesting.